Blackbird Song
by Smilinginmysleep
Summary: "I myself, I don't have any reason to care. I lost that. My reason to live was taken from me." Her world was shaken when she awoke to find herself in a new and impossibly familiar world. Now she's lost any hope for a better tomorrow. But what will happen when she makes the decision to live in the Kalos region? Professor Sycamore x OC
1. Chapter 1

My life is something that no one can understand. My existence baffles them, they don't want to believe it. I myself, I don't have any reason to care. I lost that. My reason to live was taken from me.

My name is Abigail Gracen. To my knowledge, I am 19 years old. Where I'm from I'm about average build, standing about 5 foot 2 inches. I came from a good home, full of loving people and friends. I lived a full life. I knew what pain was, but I also knew what love was. I knew how it felt to have your world ripped apart and I also knew what it felt like to have your heart break. I experienced all of this, in only 19 short years.

I learned from all of this though and I wanted to live a better life and make my family proud. My life goal was to pursue a career in medicine, possibly settling for a degree as a physician.

I've been cursed with the most vivid of memories, both good and bad. When I close my eyes they're all I can see. I see them smiling and laughing. I can feel their arms around me and what it feels like to laugh so much you lose your breathe. I can feel handshakes and the feel of a pencil in my hand as I write papers. I can feel my instruments and what it felt like to really play, to let it all go. I remember what its like for my hair to whip around my face, driving down a deserted highway with all of the windows down. I remember what it felt like to stand in front of a huge crowd and give speeches. I can see they way the sun looks when you're with a beloved friend or parent. I can feel my dog jumping on me and giving me kisses. I can hear my cart hissing at her as he tries to paw himself up onto me also. I remember it all. I cannot close my eyes without reliving some unknown moment, all so bittersweet now.

My parents and family always described me as an optimistic girl, I used to laugh about anything, even if someone was yelling. Life was too short to be taken so seriously. That was before I lost my life.

I was tired of all these tests, all of these questions.

"What was the last thing you remembered?"

"Do you remember your name?"

"How old are you?"

"How did you get here?"

Please stop. Just stop! You ask me dull boring questions. The same questions, just different voices, phrasing, and even attitude. Believe me, I know my name, what I last remembered, how old I am. You're the doctors and nurses and scientists, shouldn't you be able to tell me why I'm here? Why I was taken from my home? Why me?

What had I done to deserve this hell? Why was my world being ripped from me once again? Why did I have to be this new science experiment, some scrap of a piece that no one can fully explain?

"Miss?" A voice called me back to the present. I looked up to acknowledge their presence. "Miss, can you tell me where you're from again?"

"Oh my gosh...how many freaking times do you need to hear the same damn thing? Why don't I say it in a different language for you? Will that help?" I sighed softly, this was just a hollow anger anymore. I lost the ability the feel long ago when I realized I would never see home again. Never hear my parents voices or feel the embrace of my sister. "Ohio. O-H-I-O." I spat out, accenting each letter. The woman looked at me, rolling her eyes.

I wasn't this rude ever, I wasn't brought up this way. So before you go and think I'm some punk please understand, how would you treat the very people who told you going home was impossible? Who kept you locked away in a lab and asked the same questions everyday?

I was tired of seeing white lab coats and breathing in air that was too stiff. I just wanted to be left alone and live out the rest of the years I had left, alone. I watched as the woman walked way from me, her eyes carrying some sort of hidden sadness. I looked around at my surroundings, a small doctor's office. The walls had posters and diagrams of certain body parts, with small descriptions in each of the corners. I looked out the door to see others trying to sneak glances at me, their eyes full of pity and curiosity.

What a strange combination of emotions, pity and curiosity. I used to believe curiosity was so happy and bright, the most innocent of emotions. Now I couldn't stand the very word. It was why I was here in this world and room. I was curious in my own life and took chances that I shouldn't have taken. I should have just lived a safe and comfortable life, none full of racing heart beats and sweaty palms. Curiosity was also why these people kept me here, trying to understand why I was suddenly in this world.

Today was my last day here. They decided on letting me go, with limited observation. The people here wanted me to go and have a life.

"Oh Miss Abigail!" A deep gruff voice carried through the room. It was a voice that I had come to look forward to, as he was the only one who could provide answers. An older man with graying hair charged the room, his own energy charging the air with life. He wore a black shirt and pants covered with a long white lab jacket and a name card on his upper left chest.

"Yes my dear Rodney?" I answered back sweetly, a fake smile crossing my lips. He hated it when I didn't at least try to pretend and for him I would try. He reminded me of a dear old friend.

"Today's the day dear. All of your stuff is packed and ready to be shipped with you. Your passport is with the guards, just waiting to escort you out of here. I must say though", his voice suddenly not so light, "why does it have to be so far away? Are we all that awful?" He teasingly asked trying to lighten the mood.

I couldn't answer that question for myself. Why the Kalos region?

"I just need a change of speed." I answered simply, not wanting to admit that I was hoping to just be forgotten. The idea that somewhere so far away and new gave me a certain charge, almost like the shadow of my former self, the girl who loved adventures, was peeking through. I stood slowly, throwing out my hand to say goodbye.

He looked at me, almost like he was trying to decide what to say. "Please do this old man one favor?" I looked at his pale blue eyes, my own brown ones challenging him to continue. "Please live for me, try to at least. You're so young and your eyes tell a story of a girl who wasn't afraid of living at one point in her life. Try a new job or even go back to school! Why-" He laughed loudly at this one, "Why not be a Pokemon trainer! I know you could do it, just do something that will bring those eyes a new lightness upon them and maybe even a real smile.

I chuckled at this, casting my eyes down to look at my feet. My hands automatically reached for my bag and I shouldered it on. I stood straight, catching a glance at myself in the window. I did not recognize this girl anymore. I looked the same but I wasn't the same. I was significantly smaller than Rodney. I wore dark straight jeans with black flats. My hair was a dark gold color, with so many different colors thanks to the sun. It flowed down in pretty waves way past my shoulders, almost accented against the dark black material of my oversized hoodie I was wearing. It still smelled of home.

"Sure Rodney, why not? A Pokemon trainer? I'm a little older than the other trainers don't you think?" I laughed, not wanting a reply. I cut him off before he could speak. "Thank you, and I hope you have a wonderful life." I said as I brushed past him, following the guards that were to take me to the ship. The ship that might take me to a new life.

I did not look back. I walked with confidence out those doors and into the glaring sun. Bird Pokemon filled the air with songs. I saw so many people walking with loved ones, whether it be human companion or even that of a Snubble or Zigzagoon. The walk to the ship was brisk, I could feel the impatience of the men leading me to the ship. They too must be tired of baby-sitting me.

The air felt so good in my lungs, the first fresh air I had breathed in since the day I woke up in this world. I followed silently as they walked me to the harbor, only a few minutes away from this lab. I did not help them as they carried my bags to the ship, nor did I care. I could only look ahead and hope that I could do this alone.

"A Pokemon trainer? Ha!" I laughed quietly to myself, shaking my head at his words as I boarded this ship. How absurd a thought.

I would have jumped at joy at his words in another life. I choked back a single tear as I looked at the open sea, passport in hand. Who knew a childhood dream could ruin a person like this?

My heart couldn't take on my new reality.


	2. Chapter 2

_** Hey guys! So I kinda forgot to introduce this story in the first chapter. Oops! So anyways!**_

_** I've been thinking of this kind of story for quite some time and a pokemon fanfic gives me just enough freedom to actually put this to paper. This is a romantic story, but nothing too mature just fluff. That might change though. The rating is mostly due to the angsty parts this story has, it's not a super happy thing. **_

_** Please review! It would mean the world. Just tell me that people are actually reading this haha. It would mean a lot and I'm also up for suggestions! I need to start writing again. **_

_** I'm going to try and put up a chapter a week, we'll see how that goes. I'm a forgetful college student :P I don't want to abandon this story though, I actually want to finish something for once. **_

_** Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to pokemon, just my character Abigail. **_

The Kalos region was a lot bigger than I imagined. It was actually quite populated too, everywhere I looked I saw people and Pokemon. Some alone and some together but always a smile to be seen. This wasn't what I wanted, I thought it was small and unknown, an ideal place to be forgotten.

That's what made me realize just how wrong I was about this place. Everyone wanted to talk and know everything about you. I couldn't escape friendly smiles and questions. I was tired of avoiding others just to save face. I didn't have it in me to cut people off anymore, it was too tiring and heartbreaking. I couldn't escape the same questions.

"What's your name sweetie?"

"How old are you?"

"Where did you come from?".

"What brings you to the Kalos region?"

It was already too much and I wasn't even at the house given to me by the doctors and scientists. In turn for the house I was to write them once a month with details of how I was doing. They also expected annual visits. Like that would really happen, they all knew it wouldn't. But it was a free house, how could I pass that up?

The boat ride here was exhausting but bearable. In a strange sense it just made everything for me a little more realistic. I wasn't going to wake up from this horrible dream, this was all real. Sleep wasn't possible with the way the waves caressed the boat, which I was insanely thankful for. Sleep meant closing my eyes and closed eyes meant reliving a life that I just wanted to forget. I couldn't live with the memory of their smiles anymore.

There weren't many other passengers on the boat with me, another thing I was thankful for. Conversation was painful for me, I was done with other people. They asked questions which I did not want to answer. I just couldn't. I couldn't take the small talk, I had grown to hate it. In another life I would be happy for all of these conversations, meeting everyone with a smile. I loved those small talks, they allowed to me study the other person, to try and get to know them. Everyone was intriguing to me in another life, they all deserved the time spent to get to know them, inside and out.

But that was a different life and a different girl.

"Miss?" I was pulled back into reality at a stranger's voice. I looked up to a see man in a black suit. He stood just a little taller than myself with the blondest hair I've ever seen in my entire life. His eyes shifted uncomfortably when I met his gaze. I crossed my arms and stepped closer to my suitcases. No one could find comfort or ease in my presence anymore.

I was well aware that I made others uncomfortable. No one liked not understanding things, especially my existence in this world. The idea of a girl just suddenly appearing out of the blue in the middle of an abandoned forest is cause for discomfort in people. I wasn't right to them, I shouldn't exist. And they were right.

I adapted to this though. As much as I disliked being around others I didn't want to make them uncomfortable too. It broke my heart every time someone's eyes couldn't meet mine or when they put more than the necessary space between themselves and I. In another life I loved people. I loved being around others and being exposed to the way they thought. I missed looking forward to meeting strangers and talking. The thing I loved most about talking was getting to know the other person and wondering if they would somehow find a way into your future. It fascinated me how complete strangers could eventually become so close that they couldn't imagine not knowing the other. There was a time when this all meant something to me, all of the small talk and smiles.

"Yes?" I answered gently, trying to ease whatever I could. He looked surprised at the softness of my voice, probably expecting something much more gruff to match his unexplainable fear of me.

"I-I've been hired by the Krausser family to bring you to your new home. So if you wouldn't mind, we could be on our way now." He choked out, pointing to my bags and nodding towards the black car with the oh so familiar logo of Krausser and Son's logo. The black K and S made my stomach roll, I did not want to go back to closed doors, white rooms, and lonely nights. I could handle the long nights, just not the others. Yes, I did not want to live but that did not mean I wanted to be encased in a lifeless building full of formalities and stiffness.

"Of course." I grabbed my 3 bags and rolled my suitcase with me as I followed. His steps were uneven on the sidewalk. Other people also noticed his unease, stopping to look at me and see what kind of monster was giving this man such a hard time. I kept my eyes down, I could not take the judgmental glances. My throat felt tight and my eyes burned with tears that would never be seen. _What have I become?_

This nameless man did not waste anytime going to his side of the car and getting in. I threw my bags in the back seat along with myself, I knew my place. I was not welcome and the gunning of the car pushing me back only gave me more heart ache. Monsters were not welcome in this world or mine. I remember avoiding things that I did not understand too, always looking the other way especially when it came to unnatural occurrences. I was unnatural and unwanted.

The ride to Vaniville and my new home was unbearable. The tension between the man and I was palpable, I could feel his longing to just be somewhere else. Anywhere else just away from me. He must have been informed about me. I could not hold this against him though, in another life I also would not want to be anywhere near the girl who did not belong. People just didn't appear and have no records. They didn't just drop out of the sky and challenge everyone's idea of the world around them.

What scared them all so much was the blood that flowed through my veins. They could not identify it; no one is this world could explain this type of blood. In my world this was a common blood type, O blood wasn't something you raised your eyebrows at. It was normal. In this world it was "bad" blood. Blood that was entirely new and not compatible with other blood.

During the beginning of my time at Kraussers and Son's laboratory a blood sample was taken. I should have noticed that more than 2 blood samples wasn't normal, how all of a sudden they looked at me with fear. I was quickly informed of this though, how I shouldn't be alive with this kind of blood flowing threw my veins. I laughed at first, telling them they need to go back to school.

_ "What do you mean? I have O blood genius, it's quite normal."_

_ "O? That isn't a blood type."_

_ "What are you talking about? It's one of the most common blood types."_

I regret those words so much. I wish they hadn't listened to me, had just wrote my words off and threw me away then.

My blood was not right all of a sudden, as though different blood types existed in different worlds. It was blood that made others sick. They did go ahead with a transfusion, just trying to understand what made it so different and why it wasn't like theirs. Rodney was the poor fool who offered to be the guinea pig. The dear man who was the most caring towards me was the one I almost killed, what first set off red lights in their minds.

_ "Hurry! Get him to the operating room!"_

_ I could not make sense of the confusion, all of a sudden Rodney was on the floor. His usually broad and strong body seemed so small and fragile in just seconds._

_ "Someone help!" I could hear my own words as I tried to roll him onto his stomach, he would drown in his own vomit otherwise. I couldn't hold his body still as seizures racked it. _

_ "Get away from him!" I felt hands push me back as they took control of the situation, rushing the man to safety, away from me and into more capable hands._

How idiotic of a way to prove me wrong, they risked one of their own just to let others see what I was. How unnatural my very existence was and how it proved fatal to them all. Rodney was heaving for days with fevers that just raged on and on at unimaginable temperatures.

I was put in lock-down for weeks after that. The only company I received during that time was from someone sliding meals underneath of the cold metal door. I could still feel the chill from the surrounding metal, I forgot what it was like to be warm during those weeks.

I sighed softly as I felt the car come to a stop. I had not been paying attention to my surroundings during the ride. The last time I had looked out of the window we had been surrounded by towering buildings and the buzzing of people all around, now I couldn't look anywhere without seeing some shade of green. Trees towered around this small quaint town. Only about 10 or so houses stood in this clearing. Each was separated by a thick row of neatly trimmed trees.

I got out of the car swiftly, keeping my eyes on the trees that surrounded us. The mysterious man did not bother pulling into the short driveway to drop me off, nor did he bother getting out of the car. I heard the window roll down on the passenger side but I didn't glance down at him. He had been through more than enough today.

"Here." I felt a solid object hit my arm and fall onto the bag I had set down. I looked to see that he had thrown some sort of phone at me. "This is from the company, they wanted you to have this as a way to communicate with them. I'll- I'm leaving now." The car drove off at those words, dust filling the air as the man drove back to wherever he was from.

Vaniville was very calm. People buzzed around their houses getting ready for dinner. There were only about 7 other families here and it seemed to be around the time when people returned home for dinner. Husbands were greeted at doors by wives and happy children. One man was greeted by his young daughter who held in her arms a very plump Skitty. It looked squished against her chest but it did not mind. The Skitty seemed to be happy just to be with the girl. I did not know that Pokemon could be house pets.

The sight of the loving Skitty and it's young mistress made my heart hurt. My own cat raced through my memories, I could just hear him purring.

"Shit." I felt the tears start to well up. By habit I raised my arm to wipe any stray tears off of my face, I did not want others to see me cry especially since I was kind of creeping on my neighbors.

"Hello!" A girl's voice chimed suddenly. I jumped at the sound, I didn't realize someone had been standing behind me. I turned around to see who was addressing me. It was a young girl, possibly around 16 years of age. She was about my height with dark brown hair in some sort of pigtail style. She had icy green eyes that sparkled with joy. The pink shirt with bows on it and her denim blue shorts that she wore confirmed her happy attitude, it was all so bubbly. "I'm Shauna! I live next door to you!" She informed me sweetly, sticking out her hand for me to shake.

"Uh- Hi, I'm Abigail." I sputtered out, surprised at the very presence of this girl. I in turn shook her hand.

"Abigail? I love it! So pretty! So where are you from? Why did you com here? Are you a Pokemon trainer! Ahh! No! I bet you want to be one huh? It is around that time when the Kalos region's very own Professor Sycamore picks out 5 trainers! You could totally be one! Have you met him yet? Isn't he just-"

"Whoa! Wait a sec here Shauna." I waved my hands at her to stop the never ending word flow coming from her mouth. I couldn't even keep up with her. "I'm not interested in being a Pokemon trainer actually. I just moved here from...uh it's been a long trip. I just came into this house through a relative. I didn't want to turn it down, it would have been a shame." I explained quickly, trying to answer her questions as briefly as possible. She didn't need to know any of this. I didn't want anyone to know.

"Aw, that's surprising. Not many young people say that! But I guess that not everyone is cut out for it. Speaking of that what are you doing for dinner? A friend and I, who is also your next door neighbor! His name is Calem! But anyways we were thinking about going into town for dinner and you know you could come too! You could meet our other friends-"

"How sweet!" I told her and patted her on the shoulder. I gave her a big smile as I did this, hoping to come across as nice as possible. "I wish I could but you know, I need to start working on getting my new home together! But next time!" I said, grabbing my bags and suitcase. I did not turn around to look at her expression and waved a hand behind me. I could not take that kind of social setting right now, they would know something was up. I didn't want friends.

A stone path led to the steps of the porch. Rose bushes lined the path, giving my new yard a lovely light smell. This was all very lovely, mom would love it.

The house was a traditional ranch style. It was white with a stone gray door and matching shutters. The roof also matched the door and shutters and had a higher than usual peek. The porch was normal sized and had a swing hanging in the corner, it was big enough to fit two people comfortably. A key hung from the door knob with a small piece of paper attached to it. I could already see the same Krausser and Sons logo on the paper.

I tore the paper off and crumpled it in my pocket. The door opened easily enough and I shoved my bags inside while grabbing the key. I locked the door behind me and turned on the lights. The phone given to me by the nameless man was cold in my hands, I really didn't want it. I threw it on the nearest chair. I would deal with it tomorrow.

The house was already furnished which was a huge relief to me. I didn't have job yet and I certainly didn't want to blow money that I didn't have on cheap furniture. The living room was very open, with black carpet and white furniture. "Oh no..." Yes, it was very lovely. The white furniture looked very classy and modern but I wasn't the neatest person. The white sectional couch was overloaded in white pillows with black framing on the sides. On the other side of the room was a stonewall fireplace. I smiled happily at the sight, I had always wanted a fireplace. In front of the fireplace was some kind of in-floor couch, loaded with more of the same pillows. It was quite lovely.

One wall of the living room was open, letting you see slightly into the kitchen. The kitchen was all sterling silver with a fridge, stove, dishwasher, and sink. The counters were a gray marble design. The dining room was adjacent to the kitchen and had wooden floors. The table was simple with four chairs. Opposite of the dining room was a hall that led to two rooms. One room was already decorated with a queen size bed and black dresser. At the foot of the bed was a black chest. The bed was dressed in, surprise, black comforters with maroon pillows. The walls were maroon and the floors were carpeted in black. The carpet was plush and felt good against my feet. The other room only contained a twin size bed and end table. The bathroom was plain and simple, featuring a toilet, sink and shower. Clean black towels hung from the towel hanging thing attached to the wall. I couldn't wait to take a warm shower.

I threw my bags in the corner of my new room and got to work on hanging my clothes in the closet. Surprisingly I had most of my old clothes from home. It seems the bags that I had with me before the accident also traveled with me, doomed in this world just as I was. I hung my shirts and jackets in a hurry. I did not want to spend much time doing this, it reminded me too much of home. My jeans were already folded and I just threw those along with my bras and panties in the black dresser.

I sighed softly as I leaned against the bed, sitting cross legged on the floor. I had already changed into my pajamas and now I could relax. I couldn't remember the last time since I had been completely alone like this, it felt good just to hear my own breathing and heartbeat. It was steady, something I needed right now.

I crawled up to my new bed, clumsily reaching out to turn off the light. It had just gotten dark but I was so tired. I could barely keep my own eyes open. I hate sleep but I was so tired that I knew I would not dream. I would not have any nightmares tonight, I was safe.

Today had been been even more life changing. I was actually living on my own now in a lovely house. Tomorrow I would go into the next town and apply for a job, hopefully as a waitress at the cafe Rodney had told me about before I left.

I was actually living alone. I was living. My parents would be proud to know that I am trying to carry on, trying to live for them. I would not succumb to my pain, I wouldn't throw away my life just because I couldn't take the days anymore.

For them I would try.

* * *

><p>"No!" She yelled as he pulled on her arm. He turned her around to look at him, his eyes wild with emotion. He couldn't lose her, not after everything. The room was dark and untidy. He didn't have time to clean up the mess he made in his frustration. The sheets were still laying on the floor, giving more evidence to the cause of all her pain. He knew he had messed up. This was his fault and she was the one hurt.<p>

He had hurt the one person he never wanted to hurt.

His heart broke as he saw the tears that were falling from her beautiful brown eyes, her arms flying up instinctively to hide the tears. "August, no. I- I just can't." She sobbed softly, trying to keep her voice steady. "I knew this would happen."

He brought his hand up to her chin and made her look up at him. Her head hardly came up to his collarbone, she was so small compared to him. "She doesn't mean anything, mon amour." He whispered softly, she could hear his voice rumbling in his chest, the space between their two bodies barely in existence. Her whole body shuddered even more, tears falling more freely. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to bring her close. "Please don't cry."

She struggled against him at those words, tearing free from his hold. "No!" She yelled, her wavy locks flying around her as she whipped around to look at him. A hand flew up to her head running through her hair. She paced back and fourth and put considerable space between them both. "Don't cry?!" Her voice filled the room with anger and hurt. He winced at the words and the way her eyes looked as she spoke them. She looked uncontrollable and broken. "What? Was she just a one night stand? A hook-up? You couldn't just keep it in your pants?!" She questioned him, aiming to hurt him with her words.

He stood there, taking it all. He knew she was right. He knew how she felt about him, how much she had come to care about him. But it was he who did not make any move. She was so young and beyond him. He loved her but it was all so questionable. He wanted to wait for her, to make it right.

"I finally told you how I felt." She said softly, her shoulders caving in. "My kiss drove you to that point? To go get rip ass drunk and fuck a stranger?" She spat as she looked him straight in the eyes, he could see just how much he had hurt her now. Her eyes gave everything away about her. She never used that language. "You tell me my age was the only thing, that you would wait. You don't even know my real age." Her voice broke at these words. "I'm an adult Syc. I thought it was so sweet that you would wait for me even though I really wasn't as young as you thought. But-but it wasn't true-"

"What do you mean?" He finally spoke, his eyes full of shock. She nodded her head at his words, getting the reactions she wanted.

She gave a sarcastic chuckle at this question. He heard her grab her jacket and watched as she grabbed the door knob. His body was paralyzed from so many emotions, he couldn't make his legs move and slam the door shut on her. He couldn't move to make her stay and keep her with him. Kiss her and tell her just how sorry he was, that it meant nothing. He had thought of her every second, had wanted to just be with her. He wanted her with him, by his side. That was where she belonged, with him. "I'm 20, not 16."

Those words made everything worse. He ruined everything over such a mistake and a drunken night. A night full of guilt about sharing a kiss with a 16 year old girl. How ironic, a grown man drinking away guilt over sharing a kiss with someone only 8 years younger, not 12.

He spent a drunken night with a woman he had no feelings for because of his misunderstanding, his inability to know the actual facts before making assumptions.

The door slammed shut and he knew he was alone. Eevee came out of hiding and he felt him rub against his leg, trying to comfort his master. This fight was different though, there was no comfort to be found. He could only look forward to the numbness that came from the bottom of liquor bottle.

The man fell to his knees and brought his fists to the ground. He had lost her, his one and only over a four year misunderstanding. A tiny misunderstand that led to guilt that led to that one night full of liquor that clouded his judgment. Judgment that could have stopped him from bringing that damn woman home where they spent the night violating what relation he did share with his love.

"Ce que j'ai fait."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! So sorry about the wait, school caught up to me :P. But anyways I hope you enjoy and thank you to hose who have spoken to me about this story! It means so much, I loved the review malory79080, it meant a lot! **

**So! I hope you enjoy this chapter and please review! Thanks! **

**-88**

* * *

><p><em>"Abbey! Come on!" My younger sister beckoned me to jump in the water as she had. This voice I would always answer to, it pulled at my heart strings in a way that no one else would ever be able to. A group of us played in the cool water of the river under the blazing sun, trying to find relief from the weather. I laughed unsteadily and ran a hand through my wavy locks. I couldn't see properly, my world was spinning. <em>

_ "Nicole! I can't, it's too high!" I yelled as I put my hands on the rope swing, trying to gather the courage to jump. _

_ "Here." A deep voice rang from behind me. Strong and welcomed hands pushed the small of my back. My hands instinctively gripped on for my life as I swung out over the river. I closed my eyes and screamed as I let go._

_ The water swallowed me whole, I couldn't believe how fast my heart was pumping. I swum to the surface only to be covered with more water as he joined us in the water. I watched joyously as he also surfaced, swimming over to Nicole to put an arm around her in the water and pull at her strawberry blonde hair. "Koda!" I cried, acting as though I was mad. I splashed water at him during our mad laughter. _

_ The sight of my brother and sister suddenly made me feel so sad. I had almost forgotten how striking they were. His beach blonde hair and bright hazel eyes beside her strawberry blonde hair and emerald green eyes made me wonder how I fit in with this family._

_ Wait. _

Dakota and Nicole.

"No!" I screamed out loud, alone in the darkness. I jumped up and pulled my knees to my chest, not understanding this different setting. I almost expected to see them at my side, petting my hair and telling me that it was alright. The silence that answered me was only further proof, making me remember where exactly I was. I couldn't catch my breathe. My sheets were covered in sweat and tears. "Oh please...oh please come back." I sobbed, letting the tears finally fall. "Please, please I don't want to go." I choked on my tears, my words being voiced but never heard. My sobs were loud and uncontrollable, the only thing breaking this palpable silence.

I rolled over on my side and hugged my pillow to my chest. I was physically hurting myself by the grip I had, I needed to feel something besides this agony. Even this physical pain was a more welcomed friend than the pain that racked my heart. "I can't do this, not without you guys." I couldn't stop the words coming from my mouth.

I remembered that day at the river very well. Once again my memory served as a hindrance. That day kept replaying in my head over and over again as I cried until I had no more tears. It was a beautiful summer day the year I turned 18. Nicole was only 16 at the time. Dakota was 21 and he had just gotten back from law school. Since he had left for college it was a rare moment when all three of us were together. The three of us snuck away from our parents to get away from the hectic planning that came with throwing graduation parties, we needed something not so formal and stiff. We wanted to hear our own hearts beating. It was one of the best days I had with them, we were closer now that we were all older.

I had always admired my older brother. He was a guardian to both Nicole and I. We used to call him Koda, we were too young at one point to actually pronounce Dakota. He was always there, the strong broad shoulders that I could always lean upon.

"Could." I sobbed softly. The absence of them suddenly hit me so hard. It felt like a punch to the stomach.

I cried for what seemed like hours, letting all of the pain go. I needed this, it was the only way I could even attempt to pretend to be happy. When the tears would no longer come I sat in silence, not having the will to move.

The clock read 4:03. It was a horrendous hour and yet I could not sleep. Not yet, it would be much too soon to dream right now.

* * *

><p>He awoke suddenly, his body jerking in his sleep. The alarm clock's incessant beeping woke him, along with a very strange dream. He had lost precious sleep over that stupid dream. "What the hell..." he groaned, brushing his hair back roughly. He sat up slowly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping body next to him. Her hair swam around on the pillow, yet another annoyance through the night. Women just didn't understand that their hair was suffocating. It wasn't sexy when it was blocking his nose and getting in his mouth. What annoyed him most was that it was a different face and different body most nights. No one to grow fond of and learn all the secrets and wonderful ticks about a beloved one. There was nothing stable in this room.<p>

"I'm too old for this."

He brought his feet to the floor and looked around the dark room. Clothing and cans were scattered everywhere, just another reminder of the night he had just had. He looked over at the woman in disdain, wondering when she would leave. _ She'll be gone when I'm back, they always are._

It was far too early for this nonsense. He realized that it was important, even mandatory, to meet with all of the kids before picking the trainer but really? Shauna had to pick a time like this? Why couldn't she be a normal teenager and sleep until noon?

It was also far too cold. He shivered slightly as he lifted himself from the bed. _Some clothing might help I guess. _He shuddered as he thought about the cold air that awaited himself outside, knowing far too well that he would have to walk the last part of the tip to Vaniville. He didn't want to wake the neighbors, why should they also have to suffer at this hour with him?

"At least this will be the last one until the decision is made." He spoke softly to himself . This was the way it was before every decision now. He needed to know the children, spend one on one time with them before the received a Pokemon. He didn't want the Pokemon to suffer because he couldn't make the time to learn how the kid was, if they deserved a companion or not. Besides, plenty of kids were eligible, 46 this year to be exact. Picking 5 would be hard, but after all, this was cut throat. They needed to actually deserve their Pokemon, it was a precious gift. He exited the room, grabbing yesterday's clothing and praying some cologne would cover the stale scent of yesterday's adventures.

He was annoyed at the world. Annoyed at the hour, annoyed at the state of his love life, and annoyed about that dream. He didn't even know the woman he had dreamed about, had never jumped to conclusions like that about someone's age. He would never make a mistake like that, let alone lower himself to an act such as that.

And he certainly didn't have feelings for any woman like that. Nor did another woman love him like the dream girl had. This dream was vivid, he could still see the tears that fell from those colorless eyes. But after all it was just a dream. He was too busy with research and tending of the Pokemon in his care to be so caught up with someone like that. Too busy for someone to get to know him enough, to actually care.

"Quelle horruer." He spoke once again to no one in particular as he shrugged on his clothing. The dark haired man wore a light blue sweatshirt with black pants. He grabbed his cologne and doused himself in it as he grabbed a beige jacket. The bottle of cologne was thrown across the large living room as he grabbed the door knob and left for the day.

Maybe this time would be different. Maybe this woman would allow him some company for later tonight. Maybe she wasn't like the others.

"Maybe."

How many more days of hope only to be welcomed by an abandoned bed at night?

* * *

><p>I needed to run. I needed to push myself to the point that I couldn't feel anything but pain. I needed to break myself in a way that emotional pain couldn't. It was never too early to go for a run but I didn't know this town. I did, however, know the route outside of this town leading to the neighboring town. It would be a good place for a run, even at 4:30 A.M.<p>

My movements were effortless, directed without thought. This had become routine for me. My hands moved by themselves as I pulled on a black tight fitted shirt along with black cropped yoga pants. I tied my golden blonde hair up with a black hair band and slipped my feet into black running shoes.

I didn't stop for a jacket as I rushed for the door, ignoring everything else. The cold crisp morning air that greeted me as I exited the house was welcome, it distracted me from the dull pain that still radiated from my chest. It was still dark out, the only light coming up as pale from a falling moon and rising sun. I made my way out of the driveway and onto the path that would lead me to the route.

The town was quiet and still, I assumed everyone was still asleep. Time seemed to be at a stand-still, like it almost didn't exist at this moment. Maybe it was because of the early hour or maybe it was because of the natural peace that surrounded this place. Either way it was soothing and terrifying all at once. All my life I had been striving to make the most of every day but lately all I wanted was to be left alone. I needed this peace yet at the same time I was afraid of what I would lose because if it.

I shook my head gently as soon as I felt the earth beneath my feet change, turning from pavement to loose dirt. I took off at that moment, pushing my body to reach its top speed. My legs pounded on, I didn't pay any attention to where I was going or my breathing. I needed something else to feel, something that wasn't so lonely.

I don't know exactly how long I had been running, I didn't even pay much attention to the pounding in my chest or the shortness of my breathe. Sweat dripped off of my forehead, stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. I didn't care though, I had to keep going until I physically couldn't anymore.

And that's when I suddenly slammed into something tall and broad, the force throwing me to the ground. The first reaction I had was anger, what had stopped me from reaching my breaking point? "What the hell!" I screamed, rubbing my elbow. I must have scraped it during my fall.

"What the hell indeed." A strong male voice answered my outburst. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead and looked directly in front of me. I had run into another person.

"Shit." I swore softly to myself. He also had been knocked to the ground in the collision. He was a bigger man, possibly standing at a height of 6'1". He had dark short wavy hair and strikingly blue eyes. It was the kind of blue that you only saw in dreams of winter wonderlands and ice princesses. His skin was pale and proved to be a startling contrast again his dark hair that was almost black and the clearly visible 5 o'clock shadow. He wore a light blue shirt with black pants. His pale cream colored scarf had fallen onto his lap from the run-in. His bag was scattered all around, some papers flew around randomly. His eyes were wide with shock and a small smile was to be found on his face. I could plainly see the amusement hidden in his ice blue eyes.

This was a man who loved other people. I could just see the kindness in his eyes, the gentleness in his motions. He was a good person, mother had always taught me how to identify a good person. Everything about him confirmed what I had already concluded about a complete stranger.

"I didn't really think you'd run into me like that!" He chuckled loudly, not making any move to stand. He was not mad, this man seemed to be only joyful even after being knocked to the ground. His smile was beautiful, almost breathtaking. For some reason his calm nature annoyed me, he knew this would happen and yet he still let this happen. Maybe this annoyance stemmed from the envy I felt for him; he was absolutely beautiful. His smile was radiant and had attractive features. Even his voice screamed how kind he was, it was the kind of male voice that you yearned to hear. It was like cool silk on a hot summers day. It was masculine and deep. He was a poster child for attractive men.

"Then maybe you should have moved." I snapped back, pushing myself off of the ground. I ached everywhere but yet it wasn't what I wanted. I had only been seconds off of achieving the break down I needed. This man had been, literally, the only thing stopping me. I looked down at myself and saw nothing but dirt and grass stains. "Just great."

"Well aren't you just the happiest little thing around." He said in reply to my attitude, pushing me even more over the edge. I watched in distaste as he grabbed the stray papers, somehow making even that look graceful.

"Well you should have moved, who just stands in the way like that?! Idiot."

He raised his eyebrows at me and cocked his head, still sitting on the ground. "Driving yourself to the point where you can't breathe isn't a normal run. Besides, you also should have been aware of your surroundings. I mean, who in their right mind goes for a run in the morning while it is still dark without a Pokemon to protect them?" He shrugged his shoulders and waited for a reply. "What are you running from?" His voice had taken on an even more gentle tone.

I couldn't utter a word. I knew he was right. My life had come to the point where a complete stranger made more sense than my own thinking did. I couldn't make safe decisions anymore. He could tell I was about to break, that I couldn't handle myself anymore.

"Go to hell." I spat back, turning my back to him. I felt my legs moving on their own accord, carrying me away from this nuisance. I needed to go back to my new home and sit down. I needed to refocus and try to regain some sanity.

"Mademoiselle? Wait!" I heard him yell, footsteps immediately following. Why didn't he just get the message and leave me alone? "Let me walk you back, I'm headed that way after all." I could feel him next to me as we walked towards Vaniville, his voice now sounding closer to my ear. "You shouldn't be out here by yourself at this hour anyways."

I barely came up to his collarbone. I felt almost childish next to this man, even his walk was confident yet down to earth. I wanted to find some reason to believe he wasn't a good person, yet here he was. Still trying to be nice after being told off so harshly.

"May I ask for a name?" He suddenly asked after only about ten minutes of silence. I looked up to meet his eyes. His question was genuine. "That is only if you have one." He laughed again, trying to make light of my mood. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up slightly.

"Yeah, it's Abigail." I spoke steadily to him, my breathing still hadn't quite caught up. Our footsteps were somehow in sync, always on the same beat and foot.

"What an odd name." He laughed cheerfully, a smile always to be found on his face. By now we had reached Vanityville. The sun was also up now too shedding light on the town. "Well, Abigail, it seems you are a new face to me." He spoke as we came to a stop by the gate welcoming all who ventured out to this town. It seemed that he didn't want to leave his company just yet.

I raised my eyebrows at him slightly. "It's too big of a world for you to know the difference of a new face from an unknown face. Besides, I don't need your permission to reside here." My words came out with no care, it was just a reaction. It wasn't deliberate or carefully thought about, just a part of simple human socialization. It was one of the most natural words I had spoken in months now.

My words made him laugh somehow. "How wonderful! You're a fiery one huh?" He spoke through the laughter. "And here I thought wit and wordplay was out of fashion! Especially from someone who runs without looking ahead!" I smiled softly at his words. I couldn't remember the last time I could speak so freely around another person. I didn't have to watch my words.

"Oh dear." He suddenly spoke, his eyes large. His hands went to grab at my arm and I couldn't help but jerk away before I felt his touch. I didn't want to ruin my views on him. I couldn't bear to lose this perfect image I had of a complete stranger. I didn't want this naive bubble to burst just yet.

"Watch yourself." I spoke harshly, my words laced with an unspoken threat. Yet he still went to grab my arm, ignoring my words as though they had no effect on him. Not even when spoken with such distaste.

"Just hold still." His voice was stern now. His voice made me want to listen. And I did, I actually listened. He looped an arm around my waist, pulling me towards him. I couldn't fight this, his touch was unwelcome. I didn't want to feel the touch of another human being. I didn't want to to wonder about what made him tick as a person. I needed to keep this isolation. I felt my heart beat rapidly. "Look. Your arm." He said softly, removing his arm from my waist and placing it gently right below my elbow. His touch was so gentle. He was a man who wanted to take care of others, someone who enjoyed just knowing he had helped in some way. Oh how I missed people like him.

Blood dripped from an open scrape on my elbow. I had completely forgotten about the pain and the fall. I was too focused on this man. I could only focus on the kindness he showed me now, the actual concern. His touch relayed the promise of just wanting to help others, one that would make pain go away.

"Oh. Oops, I-I forgot about that." I didn't recognize my voice at that moment, it was weak and unsure. I didn't want friends or acquaintances, and I certainly didn't want someone who actually showed just a little concern. Yet here he was, a complete stranger showing me kindness even after I almost ran him over. He was a person too, not yet just another face of a world that I wanted to hate yet just couldn't. I didn't want to care about others. I needed to be alone.

I moved away from him at that moment. "Just a scrape." I said as I pulled my arm closer to me, shielding my eyes from him. I couldn't let him see the tears that had almost started to form.

I felt his body come closer to me, trying to block me from leaving.

"Morning!" A sing-song voice rang suddenly, breaking his concern and releasing me from losing yet even more control. I felt the tears dry before falling, it seems I still had some control. I looked up to see Shauna approaching us cheerfully, wearing a pink hoodie with slim fitting black pants. Her hair was up in a ponytail this morning. "Hello Abigail! Hello Professor!" She said as she finally came near. "You're on time!" She spoke to the man next to me, smiling as he scratched the back of his head in a meek response.

"How could I ever be late for you Shauna?" He said in reply to her, smiling brightly.

Shauna turned her attention to me now. "How do you two know each other? Are you going to be interviewed too!?" She asked excitedly, her green eyes alive with emotion.

"What...?" I asked uncertainly, I had no clue what was going on.

The man turned towards me now, his shoulder shrugging in an almost apologetic manner. "It seems I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Augustine Sycamore. Shauna and I have an interview today... "

I couldn't focus on the words he spoke anymore or even her response. I stopped paying attention when I finally put to and two together.

This was Augustine Sycamore. The young and bright Pokemon professor of the Kalos region. I had heard his name spoken plenty of times by plenty people. This man was the youngest professor to be this widely acknowledged. People claimed that he was a genius, someone that could not be rivaled. Others claimed he was the most beautiful mind of the time, a diamond among the rubble. And yet they all agreed he had a heart of pure gold.

This was the same man who basically had his own fan club, people came from all parts of this world just to see him.

This was the same man I had run into and slammed into the ground. The stranger I had treated so unfairly and old off many times within just the short time of an hour.

The same man who I had spent the last 30 minutes studying, admiring everything about his gentle nature and beautiful smile. Wondering who he was, what his dreams were, who loved him, what secrets he had, and even what his greatest fears were. I had actually wanted to know who he was, even the tiniest of details intrigued me.

The same man who made it easy to laugh and smile again, even if just for a few moments. He had accomplished something I thought impossible. He inspired a burning curiosity inside of me and had granted just a few moments of ease. I had felt like the old me.

And this was getting complicated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! Thanks so much for all of the support! I love the reviews! Really, it's probably the only thing that actually got me motivated enough to finish this chapter. This chapter wasn't the easiest for me to write. I'm sorry it took so long and I wish I could make it longer but I've already waited too long to post it! I swear I'll try to put the new chapter up before a month passes by again. Yikes...**

**Anyways! Please read and review! Let me know what you guys think and I'm always open up to suggestions! Thanks soooo much! **

**-88**

* * *

><p><strong>Knock! Knock!<strong>

I jerked my head up in alarm to the sudden knocking at the door. "Ugh..." I did not want to get up, my spot from the couch was far too comfy to leave for just another visitor at the door. This would be the fifth one today.

No one seemed to understand that I didn't want to be bothered. I had my fill of people the other day after that failed run.

"Hey! I know you're in there!" Shauna's voice rang out. I could hear someone else talking softly to her, probably advising the girl to give up. I laid my head back on the pillow, softly sighing. What did she want?

I answered her with silence. I didn't dare to make a move until I heard her footsteps walking away from my door. Not today, maybe tomorrow.

Sure enough after a few minutes I heard her walking away. I could only imagine the defeated look on her face. I could actually hear the disappointed sigh she let out as she left yet again.

But I just couldn't handle people right now. I was content to just lay on my couch and mope. I sat up slowly, my body aching from not moving. I was tired of fighting sleep and staring at blank walls. "Oh well." I whispered softly to myself, pulling my gray oversized sweater closer to my body. The room had a chill in it, mostly due to my lack of motivation to start a fire.

I got up reluctantly and pushed my wavy blonde hair out of my face. I needed to warm the house before nightfall came and I would have to cave in to sleep. My stomach growled suddenly, letting me know something I already knew too plainly. I was hungry but I just couldn't stomach food right now. I was still recovering from the other day.

They both made me feel something. I felt happy to see Shauna and Professor Sycamore smile, happy just to watch them. They made me want to venture out and explore this new world. Their own passion for life was contagious. It made me want to actually have a life and make something of myself in this new world.

I couldn't allow myself to do that; it would just lead to more pain.

But I knew I couldn't take much more of this. I couldn't make myself numb to all of this. It was very clear that I was too soft to become numb.

I just couldn't see myself moving on from them all, it seemed too cruel.

My hands moved steadily as I placed cut up wood into the fireplace. I sat back as the flame caught onto the paper I placed along with the wood. Heat immediately immersed me, throwing shadows on the walls around me. The setting sun provided little light in this room now.

I sat down on the floor then, trying to catch some warmth. I smiled softly as precious memories found me. I could remember late night camp fire conversations with my friends and family. Oh how I would never forget those nights. I would never forget jumping into the lake at 2 am completely naked. I couldn't forget chasing my little sister around with a frog or tricking my parents into thinking there was a snake in their tent. I laughed gently, I had almost forgotten how beautiful life could be. "I miss you." I whispered when the smile faded.

It was completely dark now, the only light coming from the blazing fire. I looked around at the darkness, I had gotten what I wanted. This was what I wanted right? To be alone, away from people. To never feel anything for others, to never suffer another loss ever again. I was alone.

I hugged my sweater closer to me and pulled my legs up the my chest. I needed to become accustomed to this. After all, this was my new life.

I watched the fire a for a long time, just reliving memories. I needed to replay all of their smiles and words. I needed to relive a life lost to me.

What I felt most when I was done replaying these memories was fear. Here I was, only 19 years old, and I was done. I hadn't accomplished anything yet, I never even got a chance to start living the life that was waiting for me.

I was just breathing to get by, to carry out an empty promise.

* * *

><p>"Professor?" Shauna asked suddenly, breaking the silence that surrounded us. I looked away from the coffee in my hand and across the table to her. Upbeat music filled the air in the cafe we sat in. It was all so stereotypical to me, just another day interviewing another student.<p>

_But not completely._

"Yes?" I answered with a smile. She was a joy to be around, so full of life. I don't think I had ever heard one negative thing come out of her mouth.

"You seem preoccupied. Is everything alright?" She tilted her head at me, her eyes full of concern.

I shook my head softly and chuckled.. "Of course I am."

She didn't seem to believe this. "Then why is it you haven't said more than 10 words to me since we left Vaniville?"

I choked back my surprise and sipped my coffee. I couldn't even begin to answer her. Was I that deep in thought? She smiled softly at my silent struggle. "You're thinking about her aren't you?"

"Uh..." I stuttered. I felt my cheeks burn. What the hell? "Yes I am actually, Shauna." I answered quickly, trying to hide my embarrassment. "It's just surprising to meet someone that age not wanting to at least make an attempt at starting a life." I covered up my awkwardness with professional concern. But that wasn't the only thing I wondered about her. I wondered about who she was, where she came from, and what she thought about. I wanted to know her.

She was intriguing to me. I could see the intelligence in her eyes. There was more to her than she was letting on. She seemed so far away, even when only mere inches away from you. I wanted to know why she appeared so unstable. She had this lost look in her eyes that I had only seen one place else.

_The mirror._

"Yeah!" Shauna answered me excitedly. "I think she's just homesick." She continued on innocently. "She's almost untouchable. But...but I know she's just lonely. She just needs some friends." Her smile was genuine as she looked away, probably also thinking about her.

I smiled at her. Shauna had such a good heart. I knew I would pick her as one of the five who would receive a Pokemon, she had proven herself to me many times. When I asked her about the other trainers she only would smile and rattle on and on about how they deserved to be chosen and how good they were. She never once said anything demeaning or tried to push herself ahead on my list. "You're absolutely right." I answered, my voice softer than I had intended it to be.

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morningafternoon in the same spot. The fire had died down during the night, leaving my house vulnerable to the chill of the night. I had curled up into a ball in front of the fire, using my sweater as a makeshift pillow.

I did not dream that night. For once sleep had found me without causing any grief. I got up slowly, my body aching from the unnatural position it had endured through the night. "Great..." I sighed softly, trying to stretch out my legs.

I looked outside to see the sun hadn't come out that day. It was a cloudy day.

"Autumn must be coming."

I stood up and walked towards the kitchen. After about 30 minutes of desperately looking for a coffee maker I finally gave up. I also noticed that the little food that I did have was gone. My stomach growled loudly, giving me even further motivation to go into town today. Maybe I should investigate the local cafe and market. Coffee just seemed too good to pass up right now.

I slammed a cabinet door shut and leaned against the counter. I knew I should take a shower, I probably looked like some kind of creature that hadn't seen sunlight for days. I checked the clock before making the decision to venture outdoors. It was only 12:07 pm. "I guess that leaves me some time then."

I sighed softly before finding my way to my room to grab some clothing. A coral silk shirt and black pants found their way into my hands and I took to the shower.

The warm water on my skin was one of the most wondrous feelings left in my life. I didn't want to leave the warmth that surrounded me, it seemed too long since I had been this relaxed. The sweet coconut scented soap drifted through the air as I rubbed it against my skin. I stood there for what seemed like forever until I could bear to rinse the soap off and get out of the shower.

I wrapped a black towel around myself as I blow-dried my hair. I quickly ran a shiner spray through my locks and gave it soft curls with a curling wand.

My motions were almost robotic. I had every motion planned before I even moved, I couldn't think about anything else right now as I got ready. I would just think about my mornings with my sister as we got ready for school or to just go out. No music played nor did I hear any laughter. I almost felt lost without her voice filling my ears or her hands running through my hair. I missed having a loved one play with my hair, even when they pulled at it to tease me. I sighed softly as I looked in the mirror.

The girl in front of me was so familiar yet so foreign to me. My cheeks had a healthy glow to them thanks to the blush and makeup. My brown eyes looked bright and well rested, once again thanks to makeup. I looked well put together and in control of my life. Someone who was happy to see the rising sun.

But that wasn't the case. I was afraid. I was actually afraid to live. It wasn't sadness that engulfed every second of my life, it was fear.

No longer was I the confident girl who rose to any occasion and took it on headfirst. I was afraid of what the next moment might bring. Would it bring just more pain? Would it bring a smile?

Would time take away my ability to see their faces when I closed my eyes? Would I forget what they looked like?

I slammed my mascara against the sink and sunk down on the floor. My fingers through my hair roughly, trying to feel something else besides the gaping hole in my chest. I fought back the tears that threatened to fall from my eyes, I didn't have time to fix my makeup and look presentable to people I didn't give two shits about.

Why couldn't I just stop thinking about them?

Why couldn't I move on?

Why couldn't I actually live?

A silent sob escaped my lips and I hunched over onto myself. I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to hold myself together with force. "I can't keep doing this." I whispered to myself, trying to regain some control of my raging emotions. When had I become so weak that I couldn't even get ready without breaking down?

I stood up slowly after staying like this for a few minutes. I couldn't let them down. They wouldn't want me to live like this. I walked out to the living room and grabbed my black leather jacket before turning off all of the lights and making sure the fire was out. I grabbed the lone key and opened the door of the house.

I shut the door gently and leaned against it before turning around and starting my walk to the nearest town. I rested my head against the door and breathed slowly, I was trying to lose my emotions and carry on like nothing was wrong. I would smile at people today and talk and laugh. I would ask them how they were and I would attempt at learning names. I needed to blend in.

"I just need to pretend." I locked the door and turned around, making my way down the driveway.

I could do this.

And it would get easier. Everyday, it would be just a little easier to get up.

I couldn't fight living like this, one day it would become too much. And I couldn't afford that, I needed to keep on pushing forward.

I closed my eyes and trudged on, my feet just carrying out another robotic motion. I didn't want to look around me, I was too absorbed in everything that I had to do.

"Oof!" I cried out when I ran into something. A strong arm wrapped around me before I could fall, pulling me near a warm body. My arms instinctively went up to balance myself, grabbing onto a crisp shirt.

"Watch it there little one." A warm male voice said in response to my clumsiness. I could feel the gentle rumble of the man's voice in his chest, only mere inches away from my face. I opened my eyes to see none other than the famous professor of the Kalos region.

"Oh fuck me. Why can't I catch a break?" I groaned while stepping away from him and removing his arm from around the small of my back. I rolled my eyes as his laughter rang out.

"Hey there. You shouldn't use such language." He scolded me, a smile still to be found on his face. His blue eyes twinkled with happiness and something else. There was a darker side to this man, I could just see in hidden in plain sight. His eyes told a different story. "And besides, you should really look where you're going."

"Oh whatever." I snapped back, I couldn't deal with this right now. "I need to get going anyways." I told him as I tried to brush past him. I had barely moved an inch before he caught my shoulder and attempted to bring me to a stop.

"Wait a sec-"

"Dude. Back up. You need to stop touching me." My voice shot out at him, interrupting whatever he had to say. I felt uncomfortable with how reassuring his touch was. I wanted to stay here and talk to him. I wanted to listen to him talk for hours on end, he made me realize how much I missed others. "You don't just walk up to others and touch them. I mean, what do I look like?" All of frustration and wild emotions suddenly came forth, like the wild water of a river. Too bad I was taking all of my frustration out on a complete and undeserving stranger. "Certainly not someone you can push around. Besides, what the hell are you doing on my doorstep? That's borderline creepy. You don't just sit outside of someone's house and wait for them to leave. I mean didn't anyone ever tell-"

I was cut off as he pointed toward the bag in his other hand.

"I brought you a coffee machine and some other household essentials. I figured it would be a housewarming gift. After all you just moved in right?" His voice was laced with laughter and a teasing tone.

Oh.

I just stood there like an idiot, there were no words to even describe how I felt.

"I'm just going to crawl back and pretend I didn't just make a complete ass out of myself." I told him softly, not daring to look him in the eyes. "I- uh. Look, uhm Professor. Gah." I stumbled over my words trying to find the words that could somehow erase my blunder. _Oh mother would be so disappointed in my attitude. _"I'm so sorr-" I went on to say before I felt a gentle hand against my cheek. He raised my face so I had to look him in the eyes, so I had to see the kindness in them.

"Relax. It's alright." He laughed softly, his hand still cupping my cheek. His touch was so gentle it made me want to cry. It was the kind of touch you only read about in stories. The kind of touch that was so powerful it could bring down an entire nation but so gentle that it could lull a baby to sleep all at once. "We all have little meltdowns, some of us just aren't so vocal about it." He continued on, his eyes never leaving mine. "I understand, honestly I do." His voice died away, waiting for some kind of reply from me.

I tried to speak but once again I was left without words. What was it about this man that could actually make me forget how to speak?

He laughed at my embarrassing attempt to talk. His hand left my cheek at that point, it was all too soon and all too late. I missed his touch and yet I was glad it was gone. _What is wrong with me?_

"Look, I'll forgive you if you can do just two things for me." He looked away for a second, his hand running through his dark curly locks. My eyes instantly shot up to him, waiting to hear just what it would take for him to just forget about how crazy I could be.

"S-sure." I managed to stutter out, my cheeks burning red. I was pretty sure my cheeks were turning even redder because they were red. I was embarrassed about being embarrassed.

"First of all, stop cussing! A young lady shouldn't use such vulgar language." His voice had taken on a slightly serious tone. It was clear to me he was more of a gentleman that I what I had grown up around. "It's not flattering." I nodded at his request, there was no doubt in my mind that I would try.

"What's the second?" My voice suddenly came back to me, though my words were unsteady and unbecoming. My heart beat loudly in my chest and my stomach churned with nervousness. I couldn't keep up with all of the questions that I wanted to ask him.

I couldn't slow down the seconds I spent with this man, I wanted to savor them.

"Don't call me Professor. To you, I'm August. Oui?"

This man might just be the death of me. My heart took off at an unbelievable rate. "Y-yeah. Sure." I replied, trying to save myself from more embarrassment.

We stood there in silence for a few moments, the wind rustling the trees gently. He smiled even more when I answered him. And suddenly I couldn't help but feel so happy. I made him smile, such simple words could make this kind man smile.

My growling stomach broke the beautiful moment all too soon. I felt my face burn and I internally chastised myself. Why was I such a wreck tonight?

He laughed loudly at me and gestured towards the door. "That settles it then! You can make some coffee while I make dinner. How does that sound?"

I smiled at him and moved towards the door, the scent of his cologne invading my senses as I walked past.

It seemed that I couldn't have the life I wanted. I opened the door and entered the house with him by my side. He immediately set to work on dinner and even paused to help me set up the coffee machine he had given me.

I could get used to this, actually letting someone keep me company. I knew harder days were in store for me and that this new (and forced) friendship would have an end. I already knew all of this yet I didn't care. I knew that I couldn't allow him to know me but I wanted to know him. It was completely selfish but I had to allow myself the opportunity to know someone like him.

Right now, right here. With him in my kitchen, singing along to his music, making dinner was enough for me.

I didn't want to know what it felt like to miss this man but maybe the pain of losing another person would be enough for me to somehow shoulder the burden of my secrets.

Tomorrow would be kinder.

"So Abigail." He suddenly caught my attention from my thoughts.

"It's Abbey." I replied to him, not taking my eyes off of the machine in front of me. I hear it click in turn as it started to brew a pot of french vanilla bean coffee.

"How lovely." His voice made me smile yet again. "Anyways, I have another favor to ask of you."

I rolled my eyes, knowing this wouldn't be as easy as the others. "What?"

"Don't sound so enthused." He teased, a coy smile spreading over his face. "I got to thinking and I think you owe me after the other day." I looked over across the counter at him, his blue eyes proving to be a stark contrast against the black and white decor of this kitchen.

"I need a new assistant. So, I originally came by to welcome you to my team. You start Monday."

"Uh...What?" I stood up to look at him, trying to find some clue that would show he was kidding.

I desperately looked for some kind of clue but he stood there with a very serious look on his face. "You're kidding." I scoffed at him, trying to play out this joke.

"No I'm not this time." His voice had taken on a calm and collected tone. "I'm very serious."

This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. My stomach turned, I knew I was treading on a dangerous path. Working with him would prove to be difficult. I knew nothing of his work or of Pokemon.

And I couldn't afford spending that much time with another person. It would only be a matter of time before he asked about my past.

I had only just forgotten about this unexplained fear that took hold of me every second of every hour.

There was no avoiding it now.


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys! I am so so so sorry for the wait! Believe me, it killed me also. I wanted to get this down before I lost it but school kinda took over. But I'm free now! (For 17 weeks. Yeah, I actually took the time to see how many weeks of freedom I had left.)

This chapter was the hardest to write, there was so much raw emotion in it. Not gonna lie, I didn't see this coming. But this felt more real, I had to rewrite the chapter at least 5 times. I want this to fee real, something that doesn't make sense but still does. If that makes sense (ha.).

Pleas review! Please show this story to others! And please, shout out some ideas! I'm always open to them! Thank you all so so so so so much! You're all amazing.

(Disclaimer: I own nothing but my character Abigail.)

-88.

* * *

><p>"Abigail!"<p>

"No! I asked for the other paper. Not this."

"Go get me some coffee."

"I asked for black coffee. This isn't acceptable."

"We need paper."

"That's too much sugar."

"You need to hurry up."

"You heard the professor! That needs to be sent ASAP!"

"The pokemon still need fed."

"Why hasn't this been done yet?"

"Abigail!"

I couldn't take much more of this. Everyday for 10 hours straight people barked orders at me. I sighed softly as I threw my jacket on the floor and sank into the nearest chair. When I agreed to work at the lab I didn't realize I'd be some slave. I was basically his assistant's assistant.

"Oh why?" I complained, just relieved to be by myself. I leaned over to yank off my shoes, my feet felt like I had been walking on needles all day. At least I had this time to myself, this small moment of freedom. I thumbed away at my iPod, something that had managed to accompany me to this miserable world. I pressed play quickly before setting it aside. I needed some distraction.

But at what cost?

_"Come on skinny love just last the year. Pour a little salt we were never here."  
><em>

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. We cannon take back our words once they leave the fortress of our minds.

My stomach rolled with guilt over the events that had just followed. I had just spent 3 hours wandering around in the dark, trying to get home. "Home?" I laughed bitterly to myself as I threw my gray cardigan off. I yanked off my jeans and threw them in the same general direction before falling down onto the couch. I pulled the soft white blanket over myself and curled up into a ball. My head hurt from my emotions and my heart hurt from today. I wanted to cry, yet there were no more tears.

_"Cut out all the ropes and let me fall."_

I had been working for the Professor for about 2 weeks now. They were the longest 2 weeks of my entire life. My contract to him stated that I would stay at the lab for 1 year. Of course I didn't like the sound of it but this was after I had argued with him. He had initially wanted me to stay there for 5 years. "Like that was ever going to happen."

The professor and I didn't get along. That much was clear to me from the very beginning. We bickered the entire time while discussing the details of the contract. He was a different man when it came to his work. His eyes burned with passion and he lost sight of his surroundings. He was passionate about what he did.

_"And now all your love is wasted, then who the hell was I? 'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches and at the end of all your lines."_

He was also very stubborn and quite frankly, absolutely batshit crazy when you pissed him off in his lab. I could argue with him about the pokemon outside of his office and he would just laugh it off but the second he stepped foot into that lab he was a different person. Someone who actually overpowered my own stubbornness. When he was in these moods everyone ran. I have no idea how someone so gentle could turn into someone so alive and dangerous in just a matter of seconds.

I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him when he was irritated or impatient. He had no control over himself, he was too ardent a person. He became consumed by his emotions and lashed out at whomever was closest. He could become so cruel so quickly, I didn't know who he was honestly. Kindness and cruelty, both found in the same person. Only today did I make the mistake of being caught near him in his little fits.

I sobbed softly as I realized how pathetic I had become. Maybe he was right. I hugged the blanket closer to me, trying to comfort myself.

Comforting oneself is not easy, it's actually quite sad. I had to stop thinking. I pinched my arm softly and counted the beats of my heart. By the time I got to 267 I was done. I could not focus and thus lost myself to the world. I smiled softly at this mercy, knowing that I would not dream tonight.

Tonight I would be safe. My vision got blurry before there was nothing. Just the moments of the day, moments that will not be easily forgiven.

_"Come on skinny love..."_

* * *

><p>I sat at my desk, trying to catch up on the mass amounts of paperwork Dawn had given me. Apparently she didn't know how to send mail anymore since I came to work here. Actually, she didn't know how to do anything except stare at Sycamore. I rolled my eyes as I watched her pace back and forth outside of his door, fixing her hair and bosom before she knocked on his door.<p>

Dawn was a very pretty young woman. She looked to be about 24 years of age. Her hair was short and edgy, the dark locks of ebony always catching the sunlight. Her green eyes were very pale, but it was captivating in an odd way. I didn't know why she felt the need to play up all the wrong features in order to catch his attention. In her left hand held the coffee I had literally just went to fetch for her for him. French vanilla coffee with hazelnut creamer, 2 sugars. Everyday I got him this exact coffee yet he never knew it was me.

Today I didn't have time to grab exactly 2 sugars though, honestly I just threw in whatever I could get my hands on. Besides, it wasn't my problem. Dawn always took credit for the coffee and, if by some small chance, he noticed a difference in the taste it would be fall to her to correct it. I shrugged my shoulders as I looked back down on the papers in front of me. "Oh professor? I have your coffee!" She called to him in a sing song voice. My stomach rolled with distaste at her voice.

I looked away from the distasteful scene and was relieved to hear the door shut. If I had noticed anything it was that many women found him quite tempting. I didn't see it, not to say he wasn't an attractive man. But these women didn't stay around for long, by their own choice. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. I didn't understand what drove them away.

"I don't have time for this!" I flinched as a booming voice suddenly broke my peaceful silence. I heard the sound of the cup hitting the floor. "I asked for coffee! Not liquidized sugar!" I rolled my eyes as I heard Dawn's endless stream of apologies come flowing out, trying to calm him down. "There is nothing hard about retrieving damn coffee!" I knew he wouldn't be calmed down, even if you brought him the right coffee. "So worthless!"

I heard something hit the wall, probably the result of his anger. I couldn't understand why he got so enraged at times. It was like he couldn't control his emotions, like he had been concealing them his whole life. I heard him rattle off in French, something he seemed to do when he couldn't even hear himself. I heard Dawn sniffling in the other room, probably trying to guilt him into stopping his tantrum. My stomach rolled with guilt. Even she didn't deserve his wrath.

I got up slowly, trying not to draw attention to myself. I was going to go tend to the pokemon now, after all I really didn't want to be around this insanity. I had just tugged my cardigan on more firmly when I heard the undeniable sound of sniffling again., this time louder. I sighed softly and felt instant guilt wash over me.

I knew Dawn idolized that man, her eyes lit up like the night stars when he walked into the room. Her smile was instant just by mentioning his name. How could he treat her like that? Did he not know of the way she looked up to him? How could I just walk away? How could I let her take the fall?

Why couldn't I just walk away?

I kicked my chair softly before opening his office door. I knew this would not end well. "Oh please let this pass quickly." I whispered to myself as I neared the door. I rested my head against the oak frame to listen, maybe he had reconciled with her. But no, I heard his ugly rants and her mournful sobs. "Oh fuck my conscious." I said as I turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Immediately I was met with his wild eyes. Dawn was crouched over the coffee trying to mop it up with a drenched napkin. I couldn't tell if there were more tears or coffee on the floor. " Let's just throw a party while were at it!" Sycamore snapped at me as I made my way over to Dawn. "Va te faire foutre." I crouched next to her and took the napkin from her hand. I paid no attention to the demon on the other side of the room.

"Dawn, go ahead and clean yourself up. I've got this." I spoke to her softly and nudged her towards the door. She did not look me in the eyes as she got up and made a beeline for the door. I caught a glimpse of her as she left and I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I also felt myself getting angry with him.

How could another living being treat another like this? I don't think I could yell at another until they cried, it seemed all too cruel. I couldn't understand how easy it was for others to be cruel, specially a man towards a woman. That didn't sit well with me.

"Do not clean up her mess."

My mother always told me I was foolishly kind. I had always felt the need to protect those who couldn't protect themselves. I couldn't just stand back and watch. If not me then who? Who would right the wrongs of my world and this world?

I couldn't be like everyone else and turn a blind eye. How could I hope for a better tomorrow if all I did was ignore the brokenness? I pulled a napkin out of my pocket and began cleaning the mess up. I still did not meet his eyes.

I had many opinions of why society was failing. It seemed the very thing wrong with my own world was wrong here. It plagued the human race like a disease, eating away from the inside out. What we lacked was compassion and the ability to look past our own needs. I saw it all too plainly, even here.

"Are you deaf now?" His voice become harsher with each passing second. Apparently someone didn't like being ignored.

Here was a man who was revered by so many, who could smile a smile that could take your breathe away yet hid himself behind closed doors. A person doesn't just change entirely based upon where they were at, he was dealing with his own demons. Of that I was sure. I saw the way his eyes glinted with anger, sadness, hopelessness, defeat, frustration, and loneliness all at once when the light him them the right way.

That still doesn't give anyone the right to throw their anger at another person. He was hurting her in a blind fury.

"Je m'en fich." I heard his footsteps come near me at this point, slowly yet fast. He was pacing.

Still, I did not give him my attention. I did not flinch when he threw his notebooks at the wall or when the pencils came showering down from his desk. I let him throw his tantrum, doing just as I had seen many mothers do before. You don't award bad behavior.

"I'm surrounded by imbeciles!" His accent was now becoming thicker as his frustration grew.

I stayed still though as I cleaned the coffee, making sure the floor wasn't a sticky mess. I knew sooner or later would have to stand, possibly meeting his eyes. I had to restrain myself. All I wanted to do was scream at him and make him see what he was doing to himself and everyone around him. This was no place of learning.

I stood then, squaring my shoulders and keeping my breathing even. I felt him draw near to me as I approached the garbage can to throw away the coffee stained napkins. I threw the napkins and turned for the door but his body was blocking mine.

I stood firmly, staying calm as I felt the space between our bodies disappear.

"Can you hear me now?" He whispered harshly, his eyes ablaze with some emotion I was all too familiar with.

Numb hatred.

My heart beat raced when I felt his breathe rush past my skin, causing goosebumps to form all over my arms. He was all too close, I couldn't form my thoughts into rational steams. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I felt as though I was trapped, the air slowly being sucked from the room. My heart wouldn't stop beating. I felt my palms become sweaty.

He was too close.

That was the only thing I could think.

I felt his shirt rub softly against my shoulder. I felt the way his chest moved softly when he inhaled. I was all too aware of the way his jeans hit my hip. I felt my body shake at the contact. I wanted nothing of this, he was too close.

Too close.

I forced myself to meet his eyes, hopefully making him see what line had been crossed. The only thing though, I couldn't figure out what line.

What line? Space? I had no space, he was there. He towered over me, his head crooked over over mine. I felt his breaths blow my hair softly. I was against the wall suddenly, I had not realized I was moving away from him. Escape was not to be found though.

His hand extended over my head and held himself against the wall, trapping me between the wall and his body. I felt my stomach churn with discomfort. My breathing hitched softly. I had forgotten to breathe.

I made the mistake of looking up at him, trying to assess the situation. His shirt collar brushed my lips as I looked up. I panicked, my heart racing even faster now. I was sweating, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think.

His eyes were wild with emotion, looking for some kind of reaction from me. I was almost in awe at the beauty of the raw emotion his eyes portrayed. But fear was the stronger emotion. I was not afraid of this man, I was afraid of the way this was playing out. I was afraid of his demons as well as my own. I was afraid of how his presence had suddenly paralyzed me. I was afraid of confrontation. Or was I?

Why was he so close?

I had never had someone confront me on my on level before. I had never met someone whose own stubbornness rivaled my own. I was afraid of wild emotions, they were so unpredictable. He was the very emblem of wild emotions, something so untamed it broke my heart.

He was exactly who he was supposed to be at this moment in time, completely unaffected by his world and what it told him to be. My mouth was dry and I felt faint. I couldn't keep this up. What was wrong with me? I wanted to scream.

He was too close.

I put my hand up to his chest, trying to push him away. I pushed gently but yet he did not budge. Instead his hand went up to mine and made it stay. My breathing was unsteady and I felt my eyes water from the emotional chaos wracking my body.

"I know you can hear me now." His voice was so low and soft, I felt his chin brush my ear. I was almost hysteric, I really couldn't breathe. He lowered his head so that his lips were barely centimeters away from my forehead. His hand dropped down and gently stroked a lock of my blonde hair, the soft waves falling gently against his touch. I shivered from his touch, not knowing how to react. I wanted him gone, I wanted all of this to be gone. This was too much. I felt terror spread through my body, flaring wildly at his touch.

My heart did not race because I wanted him near, it raced because fear was chasing it. I knew this feeling all too well, it had become a company of mine now. My old friend was back, here to damn me to realize that I couldn't do this. I had thought I had finally run fast enough, put the needed distance between myself and fear.

Why was I here again?

I could smell his cologne all around me, entangling in my own perfume. His other hand held my hand to his chest firmly and I gripped the crisp black shirt for life. I couldn't hang on to myself. I couldn't do this, I needed to run and never look back.

What was this?

I felt tears forming in my eyes but I didn't know why. My whole body was shaking from this uncontrollable fear and nervousness. I had no idea what was going on with me, why he was so close, and who I was at this moment. I felt a tear run down my face.

Why was I crying?

I blinked rapidly and tried to hide this from his, keeping my head low. "Please move away." I mumbled, surprised at how unsteady my voice was. My voice as higher pitched and scared. I was barely able to utter those words, barely able to admit defeat. My mind raced with a million thoughts, all trying to answer so many questions. I had to get it together. He was a force to be reckoned with, he knew exactly how to shake up people.

This was why he had treated Dawn the way he had. He knew just how she felt, knew how to get to her. He could somehow figure out what made people break. He was a genius, always observing. He knew how to effectively put a person in emotional distress. Even I didn't realize I would react this way.

I was terrified of being close to another person, emotionally and even physically.

My body shuddered with a suppressed sob over the realization. I felt my body literally hunch over in pain over the idea that he did this to hurt me, knowing how I may react. Knowing exactly how to make me cry. I wrapped my arms around myself in an attempt to hold myself together, I was falling apart.

"You should have walked away." He whispered as his hand cupped my chin lightly and then let go. He walked away from me and towards his desk. "This didn't concern you. It's a lesson everyone should learn." I tugged at the edges of my gray cardigan, trying to get some comfort. I had no idea how fragile I was.

How weak I was.

"You bastard!" I shrieked at him, the tears falling freely now. I pulled once again my the cardigan, trying to find something. I needed something comforting, but it was to no avail. I buried my face in the sweater, only to cry more. It still smelt like mom.

I sobbed loudly then. My control was gone. "You don't do that!" I yelled, not caring if he saw the tears. I wiped my tear stained hands against the blue denim of my jeans and stood slowly. I looked him in the eyes and was not surprised when I found his anger wavering, his cool control breaking.

It was my turn.

"You think just because you can research some facts about these pokemon that people should fucking kiss the floor that you walk upon! It doesn't that way! I'm a person too, just like you. So is Dawn, your receptionist, and all of your trainers!" I ran my hands through my hair roughly, pulling my hair out of face. Sycamore continued to stand like a statue, his broad shoulders unmoving. His eyes told a different story though.

"Watch-"

"Shut up!" My voice broke his words, coming out louder than I intended. I paced back and forth violently, trying to control my emotions. "Just shut up and listen for once! Do you ever hear yourself? You're a fucking prick!"

The words filled the room with unimaginable weight. I was sure that everyone downstairs and across the hall was listening. I wanted them to hear, wanted them to know it wasn't okay just because he was their boss. I saw him flinch at the harshness of my words.

"Everyone around you deserves respect, I don't care who or what they are. They breathe, eat, and sleep just like you." I told him, my words coming out with no hesitation. It was like a river, violently flowing after a torrential downpour. He could not look me in the eyes.

"You're an awful person right now Sycamore!" I wrapped my arms around myself, I felt like I was going to vomit. I had to keep going though. "It is who you are right now, who you were always meant to be in this moment, but yet you do not see it! We change, we evolve, because we learn! That's what life is, you just continually change, learn, and grow or else you're just not living! You're nothing! You do not understand how to live-

"You don't think I do?!" His voice cam booming out of no where, shaking the room around us. A little Charmander in the corner decided to finally look up after all of the distraction, it's eyes wide with fear. "You do not think I see? How ignorant! I cannot extend kindness anymore!" He grabbed at his hair roughly, but I knew it was over. His eyes did not flash as they had before. "You're just a child! A loose cannon who can't even allow a person to get near them!"

I flinched at his words, not expecting him to have responded. He took just a few strides before he was once again just more inches from me. I shivered, I did not realize how small I was compared to him.

"Who the hell reacts that way to another human being?!" His words were cold and bitter. I did not react now, I was going to let him finish, let him hear his own words. "You push push push and guess what? You will be ALONE! No one will be there. No one is there! Are you happy?! You succeeded, no one wants broken, self-loathing, bitter company!" His breathing was raged, he had struck a chord in himself. I saw the horror wash over himself as he realized what he was saying.

I shoved him back hard, letting him know I was not to be toyed with again. "No." I muttered, turning my back to him. The air tingled with energy, our own passionate personalities too much for just one room. "Are you sure it is me that you are speaking of?" I spoke back, my words cold and calculating.

Too much passion for one lifetime.

"I will not be toyed with again!" I screamed, turning back towards him, closing the space myself. I felt his body tense as I squared my shoulders and looked up to him. "You think you can just prey on others, pick out their weaknesses and use it against them! Like a punishment!? Look in the damn mirror!" I gestured wildly at the mirror that hung behind his oak desk. "Or better yet, look around. Who do you have?"

He looked away, trying to hide the guilt in his eyes. Silence surrounded us for an unmeasurable amount of time. My heart slowed down, I knew this was over. I had won. "I thought so." I whispered when I felt that the silence had served its purpose and marched towards the door.

"Where are you going?" His voice was very weak now, I heard the grief in his voice. His voice was just a shadow of himself now. "Stop, let's just-"

"No. I am leaving. I will be taking the rest of this week off. As I recall I'm allowed to take 30 days off, no questions asked." My voice was flat and cold. I had lost so much respect. I had lost so much of myself."It is much too late now. The words are in the air now, there to hang in both of our memories until forgotten. And I have a very good memory."

I turned around to see what I had done. I wanted to know my words cut deep. His eyes were dull and lifeless, his shoulders slack now. He leaned against the desk and brought his hand to his face. I watched as he pinched the sides of his nose, slowly shaking his head as he realized what had happened.. There was nothing left for him to say, I had robbed him of himself for the moment.

It seemed that he did not like when someone used his own tactics against him. I knew it with the way his eyes had lost their color, the way his face paled, and the way he clenched at the desk. His knuckles were white with the amount of force he was using on the desk. His shoulders were hunched over into himself, he seemed so much smaller. His breathing was almost too slow now, but not in the calm way. It was something that followed after complete defeat. I knew very well how that felt. Numbness would take over soon. Then even more realization. Such was the curse of the cycle of pain.

And I also knew something else.

I knew what he feared.

To be left alone.

I slammed the door and was greeted by a dark hallway. It seemed everyone had left also for the night, our encounter had lasted longer than I thought. I walked with no hesitation, welcoming the black night sky. It seemed that the moon did not want to shine tonight.

I did not look back as I heard the undeniable sound of breaking glass. Nor did I stop when I heard something heard hit the floor. And I did not flinch when I heard him yell with anguish. If it were another person they would feel their heart break at such a sound. I now knew what true anguish sounded like. It is a scary sound, something we should not ever have the burden of falling upon our ears. It is raw and powerful. It will shake you to your very core and make your heart very cold.

If I had been a stronger person I would not have left him. Not after such a sound. But I wasn't. I was not a good person.

I did not care, my heart couldn't take on any more pain. Grief hung from every corner of my body, I was at the end of my emotional limit. The cold night air caressed my body but I did not feel it. I was numb. I only focused on the crunch of gravel beneath my feat and the darkness that surrounded me. I could only think of one thought, a sentence that rolled on and on in my mind. It tortured me. It scared me. But it also comforted me.

"He truly is alone."

* * *

><p>Thanks so much again! Please review! Oh, btw! The song lyrics I used in the beginning are from "Skinny Love". It's originally by Bon Iyer ( I believe) but the version she was listening to at that point was by Birdy. Check her music out! It's all so feel-sy haha.<p>

Thank you again!


End file.
